


No Light

by OniX



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-08 09:46:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/759964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OniX/pseuds/OniX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel is gone, Dean misses him. When Castiel is there, Dean can't find the right words. </p>
<p>Inspired by No Light by Florence + The Machine. I tried a small experiment with how I tell the story since English is not my native language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Light

_You are the hole in my head_

Dean lied on his bed. He was staring at the roof and he was thinking. His arms were crossed behind his head, his chest was moving slowly, and he didn't seem to notice any of the bruises and cuts covering his body. 

Dean looked like he had just returned from a battle. You could see he was very deep in his thoughts, and from the soft mutter that left his lips you could make out a name; Cas. Dean closed his eyes tightly. After a while he bit his lip, the way you do when you aren't sure what to do. He didn't seem to make a decision in good ten minutes, when he only lied on the bed, unmoving. But then a soft sigh left his lips and he moved his hand on his chest. Dean laced his fingers, as if he was praying. 

"Cas... Yeah, it's me... Again. I... I feel so stupid doing this but I don't know what else to do. I think - we should really talk, buddy... Okay. So if you hear me, I'd really apreciate if you came here. I'm starting to get worried, you know. Son of a bitch, here I am talking to the roof..." 

"Hello, Dean." 

Dean jumped up from the bed and his hand went on his hip, over a gun. But his hand dropped as soon as his eyes met the blue ones. He slumped back against the pillows. The man, who had appeared out of thin air, cocked his head in a confused way. He was frowning slightly. 

"Okay... Okay, good that you came. Thanks." 

The other man, Cas, walked to the bed. He reached out and his fingers brushed Dean's temple. And just like that, all wounds disappeared. Dean swallowed before he opened his eyes. 

"Thanks", Dean mumbled. 

"You're welcome, Dean", Cas said with a serious face. Dean looked away with a nod. 

"How are you doing? Busy?" Dean asked. 

"Yes." 

"Okay. I'll just... Cas, when I called you, during that fight... You healed Sam. But when you came, I... I jumped. In the way. Someone shot and I jumped between you and the bullet. I nearly got shot in the head, and..." 

Dean didn't say anything more. 

"You could have died", Cas said, confused look on his face. 

"Yeah. That's the point. What I'm trying to say..." Dean stopped for a long while. "I never really... Just - thanks, Cas." 

Cas nodded. 

~ 

_You are the space in my bed_

That night Dean couldn't sleep. He had rolled and twisted in his bed for a long time now, and you could see drops of sweat rolling down on his face. His eyes were open. Every now and then he closed them for a while, but always he ended up with his eyes open. 

"Son of a bitch", Dean huffed as he rolled on his side. The bed was big, it could easily fit two, and Dean pulled the blanket from the empty side of the bed. He rolled it up and threw an arm around the blanket-roll. It didn't seem to help, seen as Dean started to move around after few minutes. Soon he sighed and sat up. His eyes looked heavy, tired. Dean leaned his hands to his knees and dropped his head to his hands. 

"I miss you", Dean whispered suddenly. "I just fucking miss you, okay? I haven't heard anything about you in a long time. You used to be here every night, remember? Watch over me when I slept. And I know I said you were a creep, but now I can't sleep. And I know I'm being a baby, you have more important things to do." 

Dean's hands climbed into his hair and his fingers curled, it looked like a desperate try to hold on to something in his thoughts, in his head. 

"I can't sleep when you're not here. I don't know if you're safe or hurt or... Or dead. I just... Cas, please. Please, be okay. For me." 

~ 

_You are the silence in between of what I think and what I say_

Dean was in front of a mirror. He took a deep breathe and looked up. He smiled widely and turned a bit, hands slipping into the pockets of his suit. 

"So, Cas... I've been thinking. I think you and I should - no, that's not good", Dean's happy, relaxed voice turned into a sigh. "Let's try again. Okay. Cas, I know this probably sounds weird to you - no, now I'm saying he's stupid." 

Dean's shoulders slumped. He stared at his shoes for a while. Then he shook his head, pushed his shoulders back and lifted his chin. 

"Cas, I've been thinking about our 'more profound bound' lately. I'd like to make it even more profound." 

Dean stared at himself for a while. Then he groaned and shook his head, turning away from the mirror. He started to walk around the room. 

"I'm not hitting on him. Or maybe I am, but that sounds just cheap..." 

Dean sighed and turned to look at the mirror. He actually screamed when he realized there was two reflections in the mirror. He slapped a hand over his mouth and gasped through his fingers, leaning down and placing his other hand on his thigh. 

"Woah, woooah... Fucking Hell, Cas", Dean panted. At the same time the door banged open and Sam jumped in with a gun. He looked at the room for a while and then he smirked. 

"Hi, Cas." 

"Hello, Sam. I think Dean may have been startled by me", Cas said. Sam just laughed. 

"Good to see you", he said before he left the room. Dean straightened his back. 

"Who do you want to hit?" Cas asked with a deep frown. Dean couldn't help but laugh. 

"No, hit on, not hit", Dean said. The laughter melted from his face when he looked at Cas again. The dark-haired angel stood by the window. 

"Well, what do you say?" Dean asked and raised his arms. Cas' eyes moved up and down. 

"It is a suit", he said with a serious face. Dean held back the laughter. If you had seen everything, you would think it was the time for someone to make Dean laugh. 

"Yeah, good. Does it look good?" Dean smirked. 

"You wear suit when you go to parties", Cas said. 

"That still didn't answer, but yeah, we're going to a party." 

"Yes, Dean, I like the way you look in suit." 

Dean stared at Cas. He blinked a few times and looked down, but a smile spread on his face. Not just his mouth, but his whole face smiled. 

"Thanks", Dean said. Then they just stood there for a while. 

"Oh, you, um, you probably have something to do because you came here, right?" Dean broke the silence. Cas nodded slowly. 

"Few nights ago you prayed. You asked me to be okay. I wanted to show you I'm okay", Cas said. He stood still, hands hanging against his sides and eyes locked to Dean. 

"Oh, yeah. Right. Thanks, buddy", Dean said. You could see him hesitate for a moment, but then he walked to Cas and pulled him in a hug. Cas didn't answer to the hug at first, he had almost scared look on his face, but then his arms wrapped around Dean. He looked very careful, he didn't squeeze Dean close like Dean did to him. But then he rested his head against Dean's shoulder. 

"Tired?" Dean murmured. Cas nodded. 

"If... If you want, I could stay here. We could watch a movie, drink a few beers, you know", Dean said, and they were still hugging. 

"But you are in a suit", Cas said against Dean's shoulder. 

"I can change", Dean chuckled. 

"Aren't parties fun?" Cas asked. 

"Yeah, well. They're supposed to be, but they aren't always. I think staying in with you would be more fun", Dean said and finally leaned away. His hands stayed on Cas' shoulders. 

If Dean said what he practiced in front of the mirror, only the two of them know.


End file.
